The hegemonic model of links has been in deep trouble for years crisis and transformation. Among these mismatches and searches for better formats, the psychiatrist and sociologist Paolo Crepet shared a resounding and thought-provoking vision.
To explain his position, as published by Men’s Health, Crepet part of the current prevailing dynamic between parents and children. According to his vision, the generations that are now over 50 years old grew up hearing the typical phrase “This house is not a hotel”.
“There was an implicit invitation to go out, to find a place of one’s own, to make mistakes away from the constant gaze of the mother and father,” he adds.
But now the message is the opposite. “Children are encouraged to stay, to prolong intergenerational coexistence, to avoid any discomfort,” he continues.
This generated a sequence that Crepet explains in a very simple way: the weight of the backpack. «It is increasingly common to see adults carrying their children’s belongings, even when they are old enough to do it themselves.»
«This seemingly trivial gesture hides a powerful message. If someone carries the weight for you, you never learn what it means to hold it.”, rounds Crepet.
The limits, in the long term
This has its impact on the emotional field. Crepet explains that constant affection, expressed automatically, can lose meaning if it is not accompanied by limits, distance and own experiences.
In that context, he issued his emphatic warning: “If they tell you a lot my love y That is the basis of the relationship, it is time to take some precautions«.
«You may want to implement some distance so you can discover what it really means love and be loved«, he completes. It can also be a time to evaluate reciprocity and strike a balance between the needs of both members.
The keys to good love by Erich Fromm
In contrast, the classic author Erich Fromm shared in his book The art of loving published, published in 1956, some of the keys to a healthy love.
In summary, this prominent German-American psychoanalyst, social psychologist, philosopher and humanist who lived between 1900 and 1980 expressed: “The amor It is not essentially a relationship with a specific person; “It is an attitude, an orientation of character.”
To put this theory into practice, it gives some essential points.
- Careful: loving involves actively caring about the life and growth of another.
- Responsibility: not as an obligation, but as the ability to respond to the needs of others.
- I respect: Allow the other person to be who they are, without dominating or molding them.
- Knowledge: Knowing the other deeply requires listening, attention and time.
- Emotional maturity: Healthy love is born between people who can sustain their individuality.
- Self-love: He who cannot love himself can hardly love in a healthy way.
- Discipline and perseverance: for Frommloving is an art that is practiced every day.
The warning signs of toxic love
Furthermore, for his part, the psychologist and writer Walter Ricespecialized in emotional relationships and emotional dependencepoints out some warning signs.
- The control or limitation of the personal growth, projects or vocation of the other.
- Loss of self-esteem or feeling of contempt.
- The naturalization of abuse, humiliation or emotional manipulation.
- The duration of the bond out of fear of losing the other person, rather than out of real well-being.
- Always give in to avoid conflict or abandonment.
